Things he never said

I have a few journal entries from the time I left my abusive relationship. Even though the others are full of all the horrible things he did to me, somehow this one breaks my heart the most. I guess it shows how much I’ve missed out on, relationship-wise, and what I so desperately wanted the relationship to be, but never was.

  • I shouldn’t have shouted at you
  • I shouldn’t have sworn at you
  • I’m sorry for treating you like that, there is no excuse
  • You are so beautiful
  • I think you are amazing
  • I am going to go get real help
  • I’m so sorry I made you feel afraid of me
  • You should be able to feel safe and secure in a relationship
  • How can I make it up to you?
  • I understand if you need some space
  • I screwed up, I’m an idiot
  • Can you forgive me?



I don’t believe I’m strong, capable, confident, lovable, kind or valuable. But a nice lady told me that if I just say these things to myself repeatedly each day, I will grow into them, and become them. I hope so.

The way I see it, years of abuse from my family and ex-partner was like growing up in a cult, and you were brainwashed to believe that you were worthless, always to blame, invisible, stupid, incapable, nothing.

So now I need to enter a re-education camp, brainwash myself the right way. It helps that there is no one around to abuse me anymore…though a large part of that is just that there is nobody around.

I will keep reading (good) self-help books, attending workshops, going to therapy, exercising, meditating and being around good people, and hopefully I will emerge fully free from the cult of abuse.

Do you have an affirmation? Comment or tweet @andrea_twist

Inspirational comic and quote

Stunning and inspirational comic version of this quote by Zen Pencils, using domestic violence as the context.


I must not fear

Fear is the mind-killer.

Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.

I will face my fear.

I will permit it to pass

Over me and through me.

And when it has gone past

I will turn the inner eye

To see its path.

Where the fear has gone

There will be nothing.

Only I will remain….


Frank Herbert, Litany against fear